Children are a mirror image of you!

It's funny that as children we want to be grown ups because we think that grown ups know everything and when we grow up we actually start thinking that we do know everything. But that learning never stops. Someone once said that "I have never met a person from whom I've not learnt anything". How true! A few days back I was sitting with my almost 3 year old daughter and I realized that there's so much I've learnt from her in the past 3 years. Children are like a mirror you keep in front of yourself and they will show you what you are. From her I have learnt things about myself which I would have never believed if someone told me. Having an unhealthy pregnancy and raising up a toddler in that state can make you loose patience. At times I loose my patience with her and at this particular instance I found myself shouting at her when she was not listening to me. A few minutes later she reciprocrated and shouted at me when I did something she didn't like. That very moment felt like she put a mirror in front of my eyes and showed me my face. From that day I've been trying to have patience and tell her things in a more pleasant way. Like this there are numerous times when I forget what I teach her and do things otherwise and she stands right in front of me reminding me of my own teachings. I want my daughter to evolve into a beautiful person, but I am sure that in the process she will help take some vices away from me too!!

...and the fight continues

With each passing day I keep telling myself that things will get better. But I know that for the next 10 weeks they will not get any better than it already is. I don't know how I will pass the next 10 weeks but the prize that awaits at the end of it keeps motivating me to go.

No...that's not true entirely. Nothing motivates me to keep going now except for the fact that I don't want my child to suffer for his entire life becuase I was incapable of bearing the pain. My body is shattered. It hurts to even move one foot now but a mother is born to bear the pain for their children. And that is what I am doing. My morning starts with the fear to pass one more day and the night ends with tears filled in my eyes pitying myself. Some days I just wish to end it all, I wish the baby was out sooner...but at the very same instant it scares me to see my child's future if he came out before he was ready and I find myself saying that I will fight for a little more.

I never understood the love and sacrifice my mother made to this extent till the time I discovered what HG was. My mom never went through this but she must have seen other things to protect me and to see no harm came my way. Of course...that's what moms do!!

I don't know how I will recover from my physical turmoil but no matter what happens...I will always love my children and I know they will always feel the love around them.

My biggest nightmare of the time is over

It was about time we got Aanya potty trained. I had tried on and off ever since she was 18 months old. Sometimes it seemed she is taking to it and sometimes she seemed miles away from it.
Some of her friends started getting trained when they turned two and were trained within a couple of months. I did the same...or at least tried to do the same but failed. And then I found out I was pregnant. I was in no state to deal with her accidents and she was almost 2 1/2 year old. It was a nightmare to even think that soon I'll be having my second child and my first will not be potty trained even after 3 years. How embarassing... and how could I ever take her to India in diapers when all her younger siblings would be roaming around without one!
Come Thanksgiving, Sachin decided it was time to put in real efforts. We left her without diapers for 3 days and somehow managed to deal with accidents (which happened every hour)... but at the end of those 3 days she started showing signs. She wasn't telling but controlled herself for a couple of hours. The daycare people helped in the process and here she is...without a diaper....even in the night!